For all my protestations that a healthy lifestyle hasn’t protected me against disease, I’m still a believer in exercise. It’s not that I want to punish myself by pushing myself to my limits on the bike – I actually enjoy it. I know, it’s sick.
And, if I do have a genetic predisposition to cancer, which seems likely given that few people are purely ‘unlucky’ to get two different types of cancer before 40, then it’s possible my love of sport could have actually helped me get this far. After all, I’ve had ten cancer-free years since my osteosarcoma.
The past few days have been really tough emotionally and I haven’t felt like exercising at all. So I haven’t. But yesterday, even though I was feeling groggy and tired after another bad night’s sleep (4am wakeups are becoming standard), I decided to give the turbo trainer a try.
About ten minutes into my workout, a really upbeat tune came on my iPod and I was pedalling as fast as I could, and my heart was pumping, and the sweat was pouring off me (it’s not pretty, but I’m sure getting a sweat on is tantamount to purging negative energy), and suddenly I found myself thinking positive thoughts instead of dark ones like:
“This hurts but I’m going to push through it anyway”
“I’m feeling strong”
“I can do this”
I may not be able to control the progress of my treatment, but I can control the way I deal with it. I’m going to keep on exercising as much as I can, for as long as I can.