I didn’t cry in front of the doctor who told me I had breast cancer.

I didn’t cry in front of the surgeon who told me I’d need a mastectomy.

But I did cry – great big fat unstoppable tears – in front of the dermatologist who told me the ‘rash’ on my face, chest and back is actually drug-induced acne that may take “several months to clear” after treatment.

Yes, it’s vain, and yes, it’s a tiny thing in comparison with the rest of treatment but it really bugs me that I will be spending the next year or more with a face covered in pimples like a hormonal teenager. Except with more wrinkles.

Of course, if I was a less shallow, more spiritual person I would take the fact that I will soon be one-legged, one-breasted, bald and pizza-faced as an opportunity to fall back on my sparkling personality. But my personality (less sparkling, more sarky) seems to have been replaced by a grumpy, insular, humourless arsehole. Even my father-in-law has noticed that I can’t be bothered to argue with him about sodding Brexit. It’s that bad.

I’m wallowing in angst, spending a lot of time sitting in my bedroom alone with the curtains closed, listening to music and browsing the internet for acne cures. It’s just like being a teenager, without the rebellious fun bits.


6 thoughts on “Meltdown

  1. rubbish, Sally. Tell those spots and that cancer to go **** themselves with a right up their +***^*+. It won’t help but it will make you feel better for 10 seconds. Xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t know if this will help. But: I have had acne for years, though not drug induced. It is shit, even without a cancer diagnosis I utterly understand how it might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back in your circumstances. Anyway I have found the new Pixi ‘double cleanse’ by Caroline Hirons great. It is fragrance free and very gentle so might be good on skin that is being bashed by drugs. Always remove cleansers with a hand-hot flannel or Muslin cloth. Also the rebalancing oil by L’Oréal. I know it seems counterintuitive to put on on the face when you have acne, but because oil is drawn to oil it actually draws the impurities out of your pores. Look for a gentle exfoliating liquid toner too (no harsh scrubs) – I use Alapha H liquid gold but that might be too harsh on your skin if it’s very sensitive after treatment. I have heard the Merumaya Gentle Exfoliting Cleanser is very good.

    (Probably don’t need to say but check with doctors if any specific ingredients you ought to avoid). Good luck.x


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